good thing vaginas are great cup holders
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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