You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
