Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
