some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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