so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
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