True but thats because hes a fetus.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
