RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
