At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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