Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
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