Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just gargled with NyQuil
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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