ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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