can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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