I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize