She is in my trunk
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
