i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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