you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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