Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
