if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
