I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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