Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
being pregnant is like rehab
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Im part way to drunk.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"