Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
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found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
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Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.