there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
