Texts From Last Night

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  (850): View more from Florida

  I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."

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  (850): I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House." http://tfl.nu/nesx
  Replies (17) Good night (2781) Bad night (805)
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Da na na, na na naa

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  (571): I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background (202): Da na na, na na naa http://tfl.nu/9l4t
  Replies (35) Good night (3687) Bad night (497)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?

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  (504): Aren't I supposed to sit on your face? http://tfl.nu/tzlx
  Replies (19) Good night (3329) Bad night (811)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.

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  (651): News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks. http://tfl.nu/z0bt
  Replies (7) Good night (4791) Bad night (580)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?

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  (614): Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy? http://tfl.nu/swws
  Replies (17) Good night (5294) Bad night (698)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.

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  (978): benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are. http://tfl.nu/ifpr
  Replies (4) Good night (4886) Bad night (535)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  ...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.

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  (330): ...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates. http://tfl.nu/x7fo
  Replies (25) Good night (6956) Bad night (696)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.

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  (859): he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day. http://tfl.nu/iow4
  Replies (44) Good night (896) Bad night (8126)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on

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  (780): She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on http://tfl.nu/l1qo
  Replies (14) Good night (4214) Bad night (646)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils

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  (610): I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils http://tfl.nu/glcj
  Replies (8) Good night (1026) Bad night (2811)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.

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  (240): I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks. http://tfl.nu/t0i5
  Replies (13) Good night (3573) Bad night (1153)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.

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  (541): I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me. http://tfl.nu/habi
  Replies (16) Good night (3558) Bad night (929)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?

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  (248): Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower? http://tfl.nu/qrst
  Replies (5) Good night (933) Bad night (2107)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.

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  (405): I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me. http://tfl.nu/unn4
  Replies (10) Good night (1639) Bad night (293)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.

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  (773): I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move. http://tfl.nu/qg2k
  Replies (6) Good night (820) Bad night (187)

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