We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
