Your mouth is God's brothel.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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