Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Is it penis luge time yet?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
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