Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
