dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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