He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
