just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
and you fell through a lawn chair
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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