So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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