Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
