Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Do you have feelings for this penis?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
