My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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