look no pants
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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