i just sold back the books i vomitted on
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
