you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
