Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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