also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
