I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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