Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
