Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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