You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
