I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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