She said her name was "party"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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