Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
