i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.