1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
