I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.