remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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