i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He called his prostate his "boner button".
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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