you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
