Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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