You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I look better un-naked...
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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