just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
