Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
