ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
