Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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