Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
