i think my mom watched the whole time
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
