Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
