He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
