i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
