I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
