boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
