I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
