A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
