and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
