i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
