I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
