I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
