i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
