I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
