I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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