It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
