You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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