You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
