hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
