Hey man sorry I got all grabby
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
