You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
