Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
