ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
