guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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