O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
