I molested 6 butterflies tonight
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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