"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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