I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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